This hour has 22 accidents

She's probably best known for her role as the outspoken, sword-wielding wild character Marg Delahunty from CBC's This Hour Has 22 Minutes. While ambushing politicians such as Jean Chrétién, Mike Harris, and Ralph Klein, her razor-sharp wit often left them dumbfounded and speechless. There’s no doubt Mary Walsh is a master of her trade, but there's one skill she hasn't quite crafted yet: driving. But in all fairness, the Newfoundland comedian, writer, and actor hasn’t had a license for very long – less than five years. “I never started driving until I was 48. When I was in high school, I wanted to drive really badly. My aunt, who was my guardian, promised me she would buy me a little red Triumph convertible if I passed grade 11. They were about $2,500 or $3,000 back in 1968 or 1969. But I failed algebra and French. I think I did it on purpose, to tell you the truth, because I just felt it was wrong to pass for something. “When I was a little girl, I always had to take taxis everywhere. I always thought it was really embarrassing to be in a taxi going to a birthday party. When my son was about 10, I decided to go to Young Drivers of Canada. I took the course and then I failed. I was so terrified of driving. I decided the only way to do it, was to have somebody come every day. So when the CBC was on strike, that’s what I did. Someone came and took me out driving every day until I passed,” says Walsh, who is taking a year-long break from This Hour Has 22 Minutes to juggle other projects like, Open Book, a literary talk show and Young Triffy Has Been Made Away With, a screenplay she’s now writing. The first car Walsh bought was a used navy blue 1998 Volvo. But she really didn’t have much choice in the matter. “McKinley Motors in St. John’s let me take this Volvo station wagon home for a test drive. They let me keep it for the weekend and then as I was backing out of the driveway, cause I didn’t know how to back out of the driveway, I hit the post. And of course, I kept backing out and I tore the whole side off her. So I pretty well had to buy it,” she laughs loudly. Her first months of driving were hazardous. “I hated driving so much. I was so tense ... In the first four months, I hit the car as I was backing out of the driveway, I hit the car across the street. It was $3,000 or $4,000 damage. And then I backed up on Walcher’s Square and knocked down buddy’s whole verandah – it just collapsed. I forget how much that cost. But I figured I could have taken a taxi to Mozambique and back – with the insurance, the car, and then all the accidents,” says the 52-year-old. Walsh later traded in those wheels for a new 2003 Volvo V70 station wagon. So far, she hasn’t had any accidents with this car, but “now I never back up,” she cackles. Walsh loves Volvo’s safety track record, but admits her V70 may be too big for her now that her son, her husband’s three kids, and their three dogs hardly ride in it anymore. “I’m going to get something smaller, but still stay with Volvo. Some people say the whole Volvo safety thing is just bullshit. I don’t know if it’s bullshit. I don’t know if it’s just marketing and Madison Avenue, but I still feel like it’s safe. “I’m not the best driver in the world so I probably just need a tank. Actually I might go for a small tank next.”