Dear Kathy,
I’m a working mom with high demands. Both my husband and I don’t have 9-5 jobs, so we have to support each other by covering off each other should one need to work late. We have always supported our kid’s activities inside and outside of school but the problem is being able to attend the games/practices or even taking them there. Gramma and Grampa have always been there to fill in where necessary. Now my son is interested in rep hockey and my daughter wants to pursue figure skating with a coach, both of which require more travelling and more volunteering with each association. How do we support our kids and try to make it work with our schedules without killing ourselves?
Dear “Representin’” Mom,
Ah the world of competitive sports. I know it well. As you say, finding the balance between supporting your children and still making it work within your schedules can be a huge balancing act. I’d suggest you take the following steps before making any commitments (i.e. writing any cheques) to either sports endeavour, lest you find yourself yelling “Do you know how much I despise hockey?” a mere two weeks into the season. (Not that I’ve ever done that.)
Explore with your child the reasons that they want to enter into the next level of competitive sports. Discuss with them the sacrifices they may have to make (seeing friends, birthday parties, sleeping in), as well as be honest about the challenges you feel you will have with your own schedule. Remind them that if you decide to go ahead, that they are committed to the team/sport and must fulfill their obligations for that year. It might be a good idea to have them talk to other kids that are on the same team/program and ask them about any downside.
Investigate fully the economic, labour, and time commitment that you will have to make. Include driving times, meal times (meals eaten on the road are more costly than at home), gas, equipment, school time (for tournaments, etc.), and come up with a reasonable picture of where you will be at the end of the season.
If you make the decision to go ahead, plan your schedule precisely and try to find alternatives should they be required. Check into carpooling, buying second hand equipment, exploring organizations closer to home, or even consider (budget permitting) hiring a driver/babysitter to help with delivery and pick up. Again, budget permitting, it might be the time to hire a housecleaner, someone who can prepare your meals, or take on other duties around the house that you won’t have time for.
If you really cannot afford to put both of them in their programs, make the tough decision and start with the eldest (there has to be some benefit!) and see how your schedule works for the year. Re-evaluate at the end of the year to see if you can add another sports commitment, and if not, decide whether to stop altogether or take turns. (No one said these would be easy parenting decisions!)
Don’t be afraid to say “No” if you really feel it won’t work with your lifestyle. Find ways to encourage the kids in their chosen sports through leisure activities, special weekend camps, summer programs, and other alternatives which don’t put your daily grind into complete overload.
Saying “Yes” or “No” to the world of competitive sports is a tough decision. You might want to arm-wrestle for it. Start training now.
Kathy Buckworth has four kids, from age 8-18. After spending 18 years in full-time corporate marketing positions, she hung up the briefcase and picked up the pen, and has been living the past eight years in the world of freelance writing and media. She kept much of her corporate mindset, including a love for mentoring - whether it’s newly minted professionals, writers, or Moms. She’s hoping this new column will also do that. Send Kathy your questions about balancing work/life/writing/kids to Kathy@kathybuckworth.com. Pick up Kathy’s new book “Shut Up and Eat: Tales of Chicken, Children and Chardonnay,” available at bookstores everywhere. Visit www.kathybuckworth.com or follow Kathy on Twitter.
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Comments
Thanks for the comment. I think we've tried just about every sport over here:)
Great question - will definitely tackle this one in my next column. Thanks for writing in!
Dear Kathy
I'm a work at home mom dividing my time each day between my son and my jobs. I do part time bookeeping to help pay the bills and I recently started a small online business. My new business has taken off far more quickly than I ever expected and while that's exciting news, I suddenly have many new and unexpected demands to keep up with. Because it's still in the startup phase, I'm really not making enough yet to hire help, and I'm not at a point where I can afford to quit the bookeeping. So I spend mornings with my son and work like crazy when he naps, and often also late into the night. My husband also has a side business that keeps him extremely busy. We're not getting nearly enough family time together, our house is a mess and we frequently eat out because we don't make time to cook. We're also starting to think about having another baby. As much as I want another child, we're barely getting through our days now. I know something's got to give- can you help me out?
thanks Kathy. This is great advice. I never wanted to hamper my kids opportunities if it didn't quite fit in with my lifestyle. Ultimately, I didn't want to be the one that stopped my kids from pursuing their "dreams". But you're right, they are growing up so gauging their commitment to the sport is important. And I agree --- that one year "test" may be short term pain but ultimately it will be enough to tell both child and parent whether it's worth it.