Now What: Juggling Act

Dear Kathy: I have problems juggling the demands of work and home. Is it possible to do it without problems? My husband and I both work full time and we have two small children. There is, in my opinion, too much yelling. 

Dear Frazzled Mom: Define “too much yelling.” Okay, I know what you mean. To me, the basic concept of juggling is one that seems to be a disastrous set up from the beginning. Normally when we see jugglers, they’re spending their entire time trying not to drop something…but inevitably they do, or they just stop. Of course, just “stopping” being a parent or working full-time is not an option for most of us, so we feel that we’re always dropping something, which leads to frustration.

My husband and I both worked full time with three kids (when I had my fourth I decided to drop the briefcase and pick up the pen, giving us some much needed flexibility); we were faced with the same challenges. Mostly, I would feel frustrated that both of us could manage large teams at work, successfully turn in huge projects, accomplish our goals at work…but not manage to keep milk in the fridge or the kids with “indoor shoes.”

So, I attacked our Family Life with a Strategic Plan. Not to worry, I didn’t call in a consultant and there were no Venn Diagrams. However, we did do a few things which helped us to focus and work more together as a team. Here are some suggestions:

1) Look at the chores that have to be done at home. The non-negotiables. Things like laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, clothes shopping, etc. Take each chore and assign ownership – between yourself, your husband, and potentially an outsource (cleaning lady, laundry service, for example), budget permitting.

2) Assign a day to do the chores if you can. Monday is laundry day; Tuesday is the day for buying groceries; Wednesday is meal planning, etc. Stick the calendar on the fridge.

3) For each chore which is “yours,” find one thing that will make it easier to do. Some tips:

a) Check into online grocery shopping in your area

b) Buy a “clean” laundry basket for each family member to sort clothes out of the dryer and deliver to rooms

c) Consider going to meal preparation places like SupperWorks – family activity plus meals for the week.

d) Keep a list of clothes that you/the kids need and do one big shop instead of multiple trips

e) Make “too much” dinner whenever you can. Leftovers are terrific the next night, for lunch, etc.

4) Like every Strategic Plan, you’ll need to revisit it to see if your goals (i.e. less yelling) are being met. If the chore distribution isn’t working, mix it up. 

5) Have an open discussion about the challenges you’re facing at work and why you feel stressed when you get home. Schedule the discussion like a meeting. Make it happen.

6) Schedule everything. From a doctor’s appointment (including when to make the call to get the appointment), to shoe shopping, to signing up for soccer, to changing the sheets…you’ll feel more organized and feel a sense of satisfaction when you check things off your To Do list. Oh yes, have one of those as well.

And my last piece of advice is to lower the bar – don’t worry so much about the perfect house, the perfect meal, the perfect family bonding time. Most of our stresses come from ourselves. And if that doesn’t work, give your husband a Performance Review.

Kathy Buckworth has four kids, from age 8-18. After spending 18 years in full-time corporate marketing positions, she hung up the briefcase and picked up the pen, and has been living the past eight years in the world of freelance writing and media. She kept much of her corporate mindset, including a love for mentoring - whether it’s newly minted professionals, writers, or Moms. She’s hoping this new column will also do that. Send Kathy your questions about balancing work/life/writing/kids to Kathy@kathybuckworth.com. Pick up Kathy’s new book “Shut Up and Eat: Tales of Chicken, Children and Chardonnay,” available at bookstores everywhere. Visit www.kathybuckworth.com or follow Kathy on Twitter.

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