Now What: So You're Busy? Join the Club...

By Kathy Buckworth

Dear Kathy: It drives me crazy when I hear people complaining about how busy they are when, from what I see; they have quite a bit of time on their hands.  How do I hold back from showing them my own packed schedule and yelling “Oh yeah?”

Dear Urge-ntly Need to Hold Back:

I have to agree that it annoys me a bit when I hear someone complain about how busy they are. Not because it’s not a valid complaint, however, but because I’m disheartened by the knock the word “busy” gets.  To me, being busy is a much better alternative to not being busy.  But it is a term that gets used by many people in a negative way.

It doesn’t really matter if they are “busy” by your standards or not.  You need to assume that your friends are busy doing what’s important to them.  And yes we need to recognize that it is frustrating to do the inevitable comparison to your own world, and come up genuinely believing they have more slack in their schedule than you do, which you desperately want to point out.

However, it might be worth considering that people often complain they are too busy not only because they are time starved, but also for the following reasons:

1. They are truly quite busy and feel as though they are running behind and may be offering up a proactive defense if you are waiting for   them on something.  Ask them if there is something they can drop, or if you can help extend their deadline at all.
2. They are actually boasting a bit about how busy/popular/overworked they are. Throw them a bone and ask them what’s taking up most of their time so they can toot their own horn a bit. If appropriate, you can do the same back.
3. They are worried you might be asking them to take something else on, that they neither the time nor the inclination (or both) to do.
4. They might be feeling a bit guilty about the fact that when they run into you they are feeling a bit dishevelled as they shovel a McSomething into their equally unwashed child, and might be putting up a reasonable defense for this (hey that was me last week!)
5. They’re not busy at all, but for reputation reasons (personal or career) they want the word to get around that they are. Allow them that.

And keep in mind the words of Jerry Seinfeld when taking a glance at your seemingly less-than-busy friends: “I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.”

So the next time someone says “I’m so busy!” simply respond with “That’s so great. Tell me all about it.”  You’re a good friend.

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