Are there certain people who are off-limits to you in the wonderful world of dating? Not off-limits in the way you think you can't get them, but off-limits in the sense that there's another woman out there who would no doubt de-friend you if you dare date a certain someone?
Think politics, pretty.
With all of the politics that began in our teens and have managed to continue into our twenty and thirtysomethings, it seems as though the dating pool has gotten smaller and smaller since many men are now off-limits to us. Not that we would want these guys anyway necessarily, but there's something sort of unfortunate about the fact that people just can't date who they want freely, without judgment and/or social ridicule.
At this stage in our lives, everyone seems to have an ex (or three). When a man becomes someone-we-know’s ex, he becomes another person we can cross off our 'potential partner' list, because drama just isn't as thrilling as it once was. Ok fine, it never was.
It has been said: "One woman's trash is another woman's treasure." The problem is, this man who we view as a treasure – on the outside – comes with some very heavy luggage (especially after some other chick just threw him into the trash). And I don't know about you, but my nails, delicate arms, and heart aren't so interested in lugging around any extra weight, whether or not it comes in a Louis Vuitton suitcase.
Now I know as soon as I mentioned the off-limits guy, a specific gentleman made his way into your mischievous little mind. If only I could have my way with him, you thought before instantly writing him off based on the sheer knowingness that, well, you can't have your way with him. Why can't you? Because you would be socially frowned upon. Women tend to make other women’s lives a living hell if they cross the barrier of dating the off-limits guy. Usually an ex, or a fling who either had done them wrong or who they are still (and always will be) attached to.
The off-limits guy isn’t exclusive to a friends ex. Here is a list of guys that are off-limits. The guy who is:
- your best friend’s ex-boyfriend
- your best friend’s brother
- your older brother's friend
- your sister’s ex-boyfriend
- a guy that dated a girl in your 'inner circle'
- the guy who broke your heart
There are other types of guys that are out-of-bounds. These are more the date-at-your-own-risk kind of guys:
- your boss
- a married man
Sometimes I get why someone is off-limits and I would never dare break that barrier. Other times, I think it’s somewhat juvenile and I instead let my heart and gut lead.
Back in University, I met a guy through a mutual friend, and to say there was instant chemistry would be an understatement. There were fireworks and a magnetic pull, which we both felt. Yet I knew the girl who introduced us was a good friend with him, and though he wasn't interested in her as anything more than a friend, I knew she loved his company. So I held back, knowing he was off-limits, and just played with the idea of him in the safety of my daydreams.
It wasn't until he approached me that I decided to go for it. We took part in a secret love affair, and looking back it’s almost embarrassing that we felt the need to keep it secret. This girl had never been intimate with him, they never talked about their feelings, and there we were love buzzed, on a high of one another. Though it didn’t work between us (secret love affairs never do), he is one of my closest friends and the key person I go to for my dating advice (yes, evenI need dating advice from time to time).
Politics unfortunately are a part of what we must deal with in this day and age. So with that in mind, don't play with fire if you aren't willing to get burned. Though you may have your baby blues set on a certain off-limits someone, there are many more fish in the sea. Go for a guy who doesn't come with the baggage, and who doesn't come with the judgments and drama.
