Setting Precedents

Isn’t it lovely at the start of the relationship when everything is too good to be true? Your new-found male friend is a modern day Romeo, but instead of reciting poetry and waiting outside your balcony he is finishing your sentences, is at your beck and

call, and might be referred to (by his fellow ‘tough guy’ buddies) as whipped. I remember when my younger (and much cooler) cousin told me that the man in my life was whipped. Actually, he didn’t tell me so much as make that sound with his mouth whilst tossing an imaginary whip in his hand, a symbol all men fear to be associated with. Upon seeing this action, I smiled (in the least sadistic way possible, I swear.)  

He wasn’t the only one to notice how overly kind and always available this new guy in my life was. Everyone from my roommate to my friends watched in awe wondering where they could find them one of those. And though being on a golden thrown can be flattering, what happens - when he realizes his behaviour of the whipping kind - is not.

"Did I do something wrong?" I asked, pouty faced and blank-staring eyes inquiring as curiously as my tone. “I don’t want to be a yes man,” the obvious yes-man replied before continuing, “You’ve been taking advantage of me.” The pouty-face was instantly traded in for the jaw-dropping, blank expression face. Are you kidding me?

How many of you have been in relationships where the guy sets a precedent? He chooses to behave the way he does, wines you and dines you, and plays the much sought after lead male role that we see in the movies. You didn’t ask for any of it, but you’re always positively responsive to his over-the-top, generous, and considerate behaviour. Sure it’s all well and good, but you would’ve been just as pleased – if not moreso – if he had just been authentic from the get-go.  

The problem with men setting a precedent is that they create an expectation. As us women know all too well, when expectations go unmet, disappointment ensues. And a woman let down is as bad as a woman scorned. So when we are spoiled the first six months of the relationship by insistent men who claim they are more than happy to be our knight in shining armour from the bottom of their hearts, it’s disconcerting when months following we find out that isn’t the case.

Since we all love examples, get ready for this one: The reformed-whipee and I were in an argument and he brought up the fact that I “let him” take me for a five-course dinner with a side of wine pairings for each course. “Let you?” I asked, surprised that he would even make such a statement. This man suggested the restaurant and booked a reservation for us to celebrate a special occasion together. He refused to let me pay the bill and now, months later I’m being blamed for his good-doing?  

Raise your hand if you have ever dated a guy who insisted on doing something sweet for you then complained about it after the fact? Now correct me if I’m wrong, ladies, but does said complaint not completely take away from whatever he did in the first place?

As women we are not in the wrong for allowing guys to treat us how we deserve, but the second he tries to throw it in your face or make you feel like he is doing it for purely selfish, I-want-something-in-return reasons, maybe it’s about time you throw him to the curb. Find someone who is genuine and who is consistent with how they represent themselves from the start.

Image courtesy stock.xchng.