League of Lady Wrestlers: How I Fight

by Dirty Ol’ Maude

Most call me Maude, but I’ve been called all sorts over the years, though I don’t care what you call me, so long as it’s with respect. In the ring, I’m known as Dirty Ol’ Maude, for reasons I’m sure I don’t need to explain to you.

I am 65 years old, a Southerner with thick skin after years in the subarctic North, and I can fight just the same as the day I first jumped into the ring. You might think a 65-year ‘old lady’ would have some troubles bending over — never mind performing a choke slam, but I’ll tell you, this old broad doesn’t have much of those troubles. Physical training doesn’t factor into Dirty Ol’ Maude’s lifestyle; I smoke, drink, curse, belch, don’t sleep enough, and I can guarantee you I certainly don’t get my recommended daily intake of minerals, vitamins, and what-have-yous. I go about my habits as usual before a wrestling match — and I consider my work to be training enough, lifting barrels of whiskey ain’t easy work.

When it comes to wrestling, it’s all about attitude and perspective. I’ve been fighting all my life, and not always in the ring. Dirty, scraping and crawling through the mud alongside loathsome men and boys, this wrestler has learned to fight with more than fists. Sure, I’ll polish up my boots, (I like to get a nice shine to them, see the reflection of the fearful face of my opponent), maybe even find a clean bandana before a match; however, there’s more to my methods. When I decide I’m going to be the ruin of my opponent — that’s it — their days are numbered. I like to get into their head, you know? Really embody all that terrifies them, so when they look across the ring and into my eyes- they are looking at everything they fear, and it’s about to pound them into the mat.

The League of Lady Wrestlers is hosting the Hogtown Throwdown on Saturday, February 22 at the Polish Combatants Hall (206 Beverly St., Toronto ON). Doors open at 7 p.m., first fight at 8 p.m.