Lately I’ve been feeling less happy than my normal chipper, cheery, sing-songy self. I’ve felt kind of lost and unsure of myself and desperately in need of a vacation; something to make me believe that there is more to life than work, sleep and errands. Sometimes being a grown-up is exhausting and I’m missing the joy I used to have in my life. Boyfriend tries to help but he hasn’t been around lately and I find myself feeling so incredibly lonely.
There were times when I was single and I felt less lonely than I do these days, when you’re single there’s always a new adventure there’s always someone waiting to surprise you with butterflies and a smile. It’s not that I’ve stopped loving Boyfriend or that I want to end things, not at all. It’s that, between work and the terrible winter that refused to die, we got into a bit of a rut and then we let our lives get in the way of our relationship. It’s so easy to let work and life get in the way of love, but that’s no way to live and it isn’t making me happy anymore — if it ever was.
I’ve decided to spend the spring focusing on the things I love: spending more time with Boyfriend, taking long walks with the pups, listening to as much country music as I possibly can, and writing more. It’s so easy to let life get in the way of enjoying life but as my favourite season approaches all I can think is that I’d like to remember what it is to spend an entire weekend in bed with the love of my life, I’d like to sit at the beach for no reason other than to feel the sun on my skin and I want to say goodbye to the grumps that have been hanging around me for the past four months.
Life should be lived
Sitting at my great uncles funeral last week I was reminded that life is something that should be lived; he spent 56 years with the love of his life and he never wasted a single day. I’ve been wasting days since Christmas. I’ve been letting the little things get to me and it’s time to shut that down. When you find someone you love you should cherish them, you should remind them every day, and you shouldn’t ever let your problems infect your relationship.
Boyfriend taught me a long time ago that I should talk about my feelings more but lately I’ve stopped doing that. We’ve seen each other so infrequently that I’ve been trying to avoid saying anything bad when we do get to see each other; of course he noticed and I felt like I was lying to my partner.
So I’m starting the spring off with a promise to talk more and enjoy the time I have with Boyfriend more; everything could fall apart tomorrow but I never want to say that I took him for granted or spent a single day ignoring how lucky I am to have someone who loves me in my life.