I’ve never been the biggest fan of being called ‘babe’ or ‘baby;’ maybe it’s because I’ve been ‘baby girl’ to my mother for as far back as I can remember; maybe it’s because I don’t like the idea of belonging to someone; or, maybe it’s just because I find it condescending. Who knows? I’ve just never been very responsive to it.
But, when my City Boy calls me ‘babe,’ I get all squishy inside. I like that I’m his, I like it a lot. So, yesterday while we were chatting I let him know that I’m not seeing anyone else, which would typically make me nervous; but, this just felt right.
There was a moment on Monday when I realized he had me. Don’t worry, it wasn’t at hello but it was still pretty cheesy and I’m almost positive it’s a scene from just about every romcom you’ve ever seen; randomly, and without any music at all, he started dancing me around his kitchen. I was barely dressed and he was only wearing boxer briefs and a t-shirt, but he spun me around and that was it.
I’ve heard friends talk about the moment when they knew that their relationship was something big, but I had forgotten what it felt like to have my own “aha!” moment.
Before City Boy wandered into my life, I had forgotten so much about how good things can feel when you’re not constantly wondering if he’ll run away because you said or did the wrong thing. I feel like I’m waking up from a relationship coma; I wasn’t really happy with any of the boys I’ve dated since the big ex. I wanted to be happy. I desperately wanted to believe that I could find the same kind of love he found after me; so, I found love in men whose behavior I should never have tolerated.
When I woke up on Monday, I realized that things can be good without forcing them; and, I remembered what it can be like when you’re totally yourself with one person.
With Waiting Man I hid my impatience and put up with his need for a relationship without labels or any kind of commitment. With Country Boy I allowed myself to be an option rather than a priority and I made a million excuses for him. With City Boy I don’t hide myself; I don’t make excuses; and, I get to dance around in my underwear in his kitchen – because I actually get to see his kitchen. I never once went to Country Boy or Waiting Man’s home.
Life works in mysterious ways; maybe the bad relationships that followed the big ex helped me heal. I didn’t want to be alone, but I wasn’t ready for something real because I had to get over him first. So, now I’m awake and smiling and shiny and, some days, I even skip a little.