By Shannon Hunter
This article was originally published on October 25, 2012
It’s been about a month and a half since I started seeing Mr. Unexpected. He wandered into my life and has been surprising me since that first night. He still isn’t my type, he’s different in a way that is as unexpected as the name I’ve given him here, and that might be my favourite thing about him.
But in the age of Facebook nothing is official until you update your status and let the world know that you’re ‘In a Relationship.’ I don’t have a relationship status on Facebook, that field is left empty and I don’t plan on changing that. When the Big Ex and I broke up, I was all of a sudden receiving messages from ‘friends’ I hadn’t seen in a decade who wanted to tell me how sorry they felt for me; it was then that I decided that I didn’t want to have a public relationship status anymore.
Now that I’m wondering if Mr. Unexpected and I should make it official, I am once again thinking about the dreaded relationship status. While I would be comfortable committing myself to him, I am in no way interested in updating my non-existent status. I’ve noticed that whenever someone changes their status to ‘In a Relationship’ friends start to post congratulatory messages. It’s as if we feel the need to award someone for no longer being a sad spinster lady completely forgetting that being single isn’t a bad thing; some people actually enjoy being single, they like playing the field or they haven’t found the one and aren’t willing to settle.
So while I don’t want all 999 of my Facebook friends to start commenting on my choice to be with the same person for an extended period of time, I’m not against the idea of committing to someone. It’s just been a long time since I’ve done it and I’m not sure I remember how.
I hate serious conversations. Hate Them. I don’t like the uncertainty and I certainly don’t want to be the one to bring it up because in all honesty, I’m not even sure I know how to have that conversation without getting really nervous. When I get nervous I tend to fumble, talk too quickly and blush like a school girl. Most boys find this adorable or charming but for me it’s embarrassing and the embarrassment tends to make me even more nervous.
I haven’t dated someone in an exclusive way since the Big Ex, and there is a small part of me that wonders if I can even do it. Can I be monogamous? Can I commit to being with just one person for the foreseeable future? If I want to be his girlfriend can I just skip the awkward conversation and only use the word in my head? Should I keep dating around and enjoy my twenties? Why am I such a headcase?
All of these questions have been floating around in my head this week, but, when I really think about it, the only thing that matters to me is that he is in my life, the rest is just details.