On Monday, March 18, two imaginative and daring, if not very bright, inmates of a prison in Quebec took an outlandish stab at escaping the surly bonds of earth by using a helicopter as their getaway vehicle. Can you picture two robbers running out of a bank to a waiting getaway vehicle, except think of a helicopter instead of a car? Doesn’t it boggle your mind? Doesn’t it bring a smile to your lips?

There were two accomplices who hijacked a tourism helicopter and forced the pilot to fly—no, to hover over the roof of the prison, while they lowered ropes to the two convicts waiting on the roof for their imaginative attempt at escape.

If you saw this on TV, you have seen the helicopter taking off with the two guys hanging on the dangling ropes, like two care packages of supplies being dropped to a remote village.

The thing is, I’m pretty sure the prison guards may just have noticed this hovering helicopter going whoop-whoop-whoop the way helicopters do. And since this escapade was in broad daylight, wouldn’t that mean that there would be absolutely no stealth at all to this escape? Wouldn’t that mean that the two escapees may as well have sold tickets to the event?

It gets better. The helicopter then landed in a nearby field to let the dangling dorks get inside the helicopter. Then the chopper flew to a local hotel parking lot, a mere 50 kilometers from the prison,  where a getaway car was waiting. Wouldn’t it occur to you that landing a helicopter in a hotel parking lot might also generate just a tad of attention? Maybe that’s just me.

They left the chopper pilot there in the parking lot with his face covered. As soon as they left, the pilot called for help. That’s another thing I think the crooks didn’t think through: It must have taken only a few seconds for the pilot to remove the face covering. I think I’d want to truss him up in order to slow him down. Maybe that’s just me.

My sides are hurting from laughing so much.

The outcome of this brainless expedition was of course that the two inmates and their two accomplices were located within hours and arrested. They are facing nearly two dozen charges, including armed hijacking, breaking and entering and aiming a firearm at police.

Following their first court appearance, Crown lawyer Steve Baribeau said that the prosecution will oppose bail for all four suspects. “You’re talking about an escape from a prison—one of our institutions—in a helicopter,” he said. “It’s special.”

Special? Special? This entire bumbling attempt at freedom is so much more than just ‘special’, Steve. It gives brand new meaning to the word ‘special’. How about ‘unequalled’, ‘matchless’, ‘incomparable’?

Or wait, I know, how about ‘incredibly stupid’? How about ‘one of the most misguided laughable news events to amuse us this week’?

My favourite sentence of the CTV News article? “After their court appearance, the suspects were taken back to the prison, surrounded by a convoy of police cars.”

My mind can’t comprehend how many police vehicles were in that convoy. I bet there were more than enough to make sure the jailbirds didn’t escape again.

I wonder what kind of new job the prison warden is looking for now?


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