By Karyn Robinson-Renaud
He’s driving you nuts.
After a long day at work, you just forced yourself to clean up the living room. He comes in and plops himself in front of the TV – with chips. Somehow not every chip makes it into his mouth. Aside from the fact that he didn’t help with the cleaning, he now adds insult to injury by making a mess. No surprise here that you’re having some trouble remembering why you love him at all. You want to explode. What can you do to keep perspective? Take some notes during the good times.
As women we tend to be very good at remembering all the less-than-ideal things our partners do. And when we’re mad – at them – it all comes rushing to the surface. I’m not talking about deal breakers. I’m referring to things like forgetting to take out the recycling…again, or stepping over that big pile of laundry that needs to be done. If you are in a healthy relationship, he can’t be all bad. This just means you need to put some effort into noticing the small things he does to make your life easier, or to show you that he loves you. When you are able to recall the helpful things he does do, it helps soften how you talk to him when he’s annoying. In the long run this helps your relationship stay healthy.
Sometimes women have trouble recalling the thoughtful things their partners do because it doesn’t come in the form they expect. Some men show their love in very practical ways that go unnoticed at times. Other times, women can get caught up with the frustrations of daily life and forget the sweet things their partners have done in the past. Either way it’s time to take notes.
Get yourself a journal. Start by filling it in with things like how you first met, your favourite moments and what you admire most about him. Then keep it up-to-date with recent things he has done to put a smile on your face. Did he sing your favourite song? Did he clean the snow off your car? Did he bring home something unexpected? Whatever it is, if it put a smile on your face, jot it down.
Then pick a time to share it with him. He may be surprised at the small things that mean a lot to you. He may also be surprised at things that are not on the list, but he thought would be seen as helpful. Hopefully, this will open the door to both of you having a better understanding of what’s important to you and how you show your love. At the very least, making notes on the sweet things about him will make it easier to remember why you love him, especially when he’s driving you nuts.