Last weekend Boyfriend and I road tripped up to Viamede Resort on Stoney Creek and while our weekend was absolutely perfect nothing helps you settle issues like being stuck in a car together for two and a half hours. When all you have is the open road, a couple of stops at Tim Hortons and Songza talking about anything that has been bothering you is pretty much inevitable.
Fresh from a brand new hair cut (that once again Boyfriend didn’t notic) I was struck by the fact that he almost never notices anything about me; I could dye my hair blue and he’d ask me how my day was before even mentioning the fact that I was sporting a smurfette inspired cut. There’s an old quote that shows up on many a tween’s angsty tumblr that all this reminds me of there’s a line in this drivel about the right kind of guy that says, “[Find a guy] who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats.” Which basically means that we should find men to date who won’t judge us for wearing sweats or lulus to the grocery store, I agree with this in principle, but when I spend $200 on a hair cut or spend hours getting ready for a date I want him to notice.
It drives me crazy that Boyfriend doesn’t notice when I put in effort, he says that it doesn’t matter because he always thinks that I look beautiful. Great! I’m glad that he loves me always, that he thinks putting on fake eyelashes is silly and that he’d probably leave me if I got a facelift or a tummy tuck; but it would be nice to be noticed. The effort I put into looking good matters to me and it would be nice if he noticed the difference between lazy lulus and hours spent trying to look great.
It sounds insane to complain about Boyfriend thinking I’m always beautiful, I know, but sometimes I just want to be noticed, I want to know that he’s attracted to me, I want him to want to tear my clothes off. If the skimpy black dress and sky-high heels is the same as cropped Lulus and chucks then why even bother? I know he thinks I’m smart and funny and beautiful but every once and a while it would be nice if he thought I was a damn fox.
Sometimes I miss the excitement that comes from flirting with a stranger I miss the rush of totally ridiculous confidence that comes from knowing someone who has never me thinks I’m sexy.
I love Boyfriend but just once I’d wish he’d notice all the time that goes into the plucking, waxing, painting, cutting and running. I don’t just wake up looking cute although if anyone develops a pill for that I’ll be the first in line.