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When ghosting leads to gratitude

I met Jake at his restaurant. He owned my favorite brunch place that I’d go to all the time (they made a duck confit hash that was to die for). Whenever I came in for breakfast, he’d step out from behind the counter to take my order personally. I liked him right away — and not just because he supplied me with two of my favorite things: bacon and coffee.

Tall with a neatly trimmed beard and intense dark eyes, Jake was cute in a sexy lumberjack kind of way. He seemed to like me too. When he opened another restaurant right next to my house and I found myself looking for any excuse to go in to see him, I knew I had to ask him out. He said yes.

Along with sizzling chemistry, Jake and I shared a passion for good food and collecting vinyl. The conversation was great and the sex was even better. We dated for four months, until one day when he stopped returning my texts and disappeared off the face of the earth.

(Well, that’s not entirely accurate. Jake still owned a restaurant next to my house. If there’s a prize given out for the most awkward ghosting, he would surely win.)

Jake re-emerged 79 days later to apologize (his excuse: he was in a “weird place”). He asked me out for dinner. When I agreed to meet up with him to talk, he ghosted again. Go figure.

While I’d like to say I never saw this coming, the signs were there from the beginning. Jake was unable to make plans more than twelve hours in advance (“the restaurant business is so unpredictable,” he’d tell me) and often I’d wait up to 24 hours for a reply to a text. It made me feel off-balance, like I never knew where I stood with him. Last but not least, he was petrified of commitment. Even a passing mention of marriage gave him a look of utter terror.

When Jake ghosted, I was confused and hurt. It was months before I felt ready to date again. Eventually though, those feelings gave way to something else: gratitude. Although I lost my favorite brunch place, Jake did me a favor. Thanks to him, I know the warning signs to look out for in the future. By breaking up with me in an immature manner, Jake cleared the path for better, more suitable people to walk into my life.