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RELATIONSHIPS: Getting away with a staycation

Getting away doesn’t mean leaving the city.

I love to combine words, it’s a pastime of mine and Boyfriend hates it, he tells me these words do not exist and I am murdering the English language so funny then that we got to have a little Staycation in the city last weekend.  I am not, by the way, murdering the English language I am helping it to evolve in a whimsical kind of way.

We won a trip to the all new Bob Blumer Surreal Gourmet room at The Gladstone, fun, and we took advantage of it. How often do you get to stay in a fancy hotel free of charge? How often do you get to sleep on dream enhancing marshmallow pillows?! Basically never, so we did it.

Boyfriend and I have been away together but we’ve never stayed in a hotel in the city and I have to say I HIGHLY recommend it, no neighbours to accuse you of being loud, no roomies to anger and no sheets to wash; all of these are good reasons to escape without escaping but the reason I really enjoyed it was that it added a much needed dose of romance to our relationship.

It’s so easy to get into a rut, it’s so easy to just watch Netflix all day or play video games into the wee hours of the morning; we’re both busy people who manage to make time for each other because we love to but it doesn’t mean that the romance comes without effort, you actually have to try for that. When relationships are fresh you’re so busy impressing each other that every night feels exciting, every date feels like a challenge and every movie is an excuse to make out a little in the dark but after a while those things happen less often and you have to really think about doing nice things for each other. It’s easy to be romantic on a special occasion, birthdays and anniversaries are a given, but on an average weekend a little help can go a long way.

The weekend inspired me to really focus on doing little things for Boyfriend that remind him that he’s special, not every day is amazing but every day with him makes me feel like it has the potential to be the best day yet.

We go to so many parties and events I don’t want our nights together to be full of exhaustion and movie marathons; I want to give him the same energy I give my job, my friends and my family. He’s earned that from me, after everything we’ve been through and everything we’ve survived he should know that he’s a priority in my life not an option.

Maybe it was the marshmallow pillows or it could have been the fact that we made out like teenagers the minute we arrived; it doesn’t really matter what it was because it reminded me to appreciate him every day not just on the remarkable ones.

Follow Shannon on Twitter at @Shananigans.

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We need to talk: The worst words you can hear in a relationship

“We need to talk,” are probably the four worst words you can hear in a relationship, whether that relationship is friendly or romantic literally nothing good happens after that sentence.

Last week I said those words, not to Boyfriend, but to one of my best friends. I told her that it was time we had a chat about her insistence on returning to her ex over and over and over again. They broke up a while ago because they have very different views on relationships and several other reasons that are not mine to tell. The day they broke up I was there for her and I was there for her every time she took him back after that but there comes a point when you just can’t do it anymore. So I told her, after seeing her falter and slide back into their old routine, that we had to talk, now.

There is no good time to tell your friend that you hate her boyfriend, there really isn’t, but after the break up you should feel safe to tell her that she can do better. Shouldn’t you? Not when she keeps going back to the same guy.

But you can only watch your friends hurt for so long before saying something isn’t really a choice but a necessity; our friendship now has a rule, no more talking about her ex and I can’t be the shoulder to cry on anymore.

The whole talk was short but I felt terrible. I felt like I shouldn’t be allowed to comment on someone’s broken relationship when mine is going so well, like somehow I lost my right to say something when I met Boyfriend.

In the end I want my friend to be happy, that’s it. I want her to see how beautiful and talented she is; I want her to walk away from the man who’s only made her miserable and my opinion wouldn’t be any different if I were still single.  I’m thankful that my friends never let me go back to some of the guys I dated before Boyfriend; one night my best friends spent two hours talking me out of a relationship with a boy who had been awful to me but I had never been able to see it.

Sometimes we all need a talking to–not all the time, but sometimes–and it helps. Maybe I couldn’t make my friend change her mind about her ex but at least someone finally told her the truth, at least finally someone said, “We need to talk.” If it had to be someone, I’m glad it was me. I doubt my friend knows how much she means to me but I hope one day to be sitting at her wedding watching her in love and happy.

Love isn’t easy. Some people are worth fighting for and some just aren’t. If you’re not happy, give up the fight and go find someone who will love you, someone who your friends can at the very least respect.