Happy New Year, folks!
This is probably the 94th article you’re reading about new year’s resolutions, but let me tell you the only resolution you’ll need to make this year. It involves the gym. But, I’m not here to tell you to start going to the gym, because you probably already promised yourself that you would. Instead, I am going to tell you the reasons why you shouldn’t go to the gym at any time of the year. So cross that cute ambition off your list because these 10 reasons will change your mind!
1. January brings forth the likes of many
Believe it or not, everyone’s New Year resolution is to start going to the gym. And like you, a lot of people attempt to accomplish this resolution, especially the first few weeks of the year. That’s why, during last year’s attempt to begin a healthy lifestyle, you might have noticed the large rush of people who do not look like they belong there. Men and women alike struggle to keep up on the treadmill, weights scattered across the studio, and confused folks trying to determine how to work their legs out of the complicated machines. It’s an absolute madhouse. Do yourself a favour and stay at home.
2. Money, money, money
The cheapest gym membership is roughly $30. That is, without the activation fees, maintenance fees, late fees, and other unnecessary, existing fees. Every month, whether you go regularly or not, money will be taken out of your account. There is no cash-only option or month-by-month payments. All gyms will require you to hand over credit card information to automatically withdraw money from your bank account. Instead of using this money toward a gym membership you won’t use, hand over that information to a children’s charity, women’s shelter, or buy yourself a really nice dinner.
3. Guilty until proven guilty
Eating is so much more fun when there are no weight commitments involved. Calorie counting is not only tedious, but it’s time consuming. Besides, no one needs the stress of overeating amongst the thousands of other first world problems we have. Gluten-free meals may seem like all the rage, but what is bread without the gluten? So just eat your cake and don’t think about the consequences. Chocolate is a great source of iron, especially during your time of month. And fries? Well, given the fact they were once potatoes, they technically qualify as vegetable, you know. Life is too short to not indulge in your favourite foods.
4. Instagram food, not your bod
And while you’re eating your favourite foods, go ahead and let your followers know. Don’t be that woman who posts a picture in front of the studio mirror with your workout ensemble on. Nobody likes that girl. We realize that with a gym membership comes great responsibility. You constantly have to prove you actually use it. Without a gym membership, the pressure is off! Besides, a beautifully plate of pasta is not only more like-worthy, it’s also more realistic. There’s no added pressure of making pasta look good, as there are with your body. Dimming the studio lights, standing with your chest out and sucking in your gut is just too much effort to demonstrate you are leading a healthy lifestyle. That plate of pasta, however, needs #nofilter.
5. Life is too short
There is probably a list of many other things you would rather be doing than going to the gym. Ending world hunger, knitting a sweater, reading a book, or Netflix binging all seem much more appealing than sweating and panting. If you’re life is busy enough, just keep telling yourself that you’re tired enough by the end of the day to skip going to the gym. The gym is for those people who have the ambition to take the time time and put in the effort to burn some calories. Calories that can be burnt doing something else– such as walking to the nearest bakery.
6. Home is where the heart is
Work out in the comfort of your own home. Merely watching a YouTube video of yogis and boot camp enthusiasts will have you feeling good as new. The next step will be to try out these moves one day. This way, you won’t have to spend time travelling, sharing equipment, or staring at people who are too fit to be at the gym in the first place. After your ‘workout,’ you have instant access to a fridge full of food so you can replenish those calories. Whether you’re doing crunches on your living room floor, doing leg lifts on your couch, or getting frisky with your loved one in the bedroom, burning calories at home is just more convenient.
7. Gym nuts are intimidating
They grunt, they sweat all over the equipment, and they make you feel less of a woman than you actually are. You don’t need to be exposed to that type of negativity! Gym nuts are people that have already accomplished their goals of attaining the perfect body, so the fact that they continue to take up space on the elliptical beside you is rather pretentious. While you’re struggling to keep up with the beginner level workout, the gym nut beside you is going at 100 km/h and doesn’t seem to be winded. Do yourself a favour and make friends in the same fitness level as you. That way, you can share stories about your late night walks to the fridge and your struggles to wake up in the morning. How romantic.
8. You’ll get your workout clothes sweaty
It’s difficult enough doing laundry — there’s only so many gym outfits you can buy to avoid washing the same set after each session. After an hour of cardio, the only thing you can think about is how to get your clothes off your body and into the hamper. Not only is dealing with clothes an added chore to your already hectic life, but it’s also a waste of water. They look better while you’re running errands, anyways. Create the illusion of a healthy lifestyle at the grocery store with some cute running shoes and a pair of yoga pants while you’re shopping for avocados and kale. People will look at you the same way they look at the Kardashians; a whole lot of envy with an added sense of judgment.
9. Love yourself
So what if you have a hard time going up two flights of stairs? At least you look good. Sure, your clothes might be a little more snug then usual, but curves are gorgeous! If stairs leave you winded, take the elevator. That’s why they’re there in the first place. It’s 2016; technology is advancing at the speed of light. Soon enough, we won’t even have to lift a finger. (We all know how difficult that is) These luxuries were invented with people like us in mind. The least we can do is be thankful for them.
10. Find alternatives
Maybe living a healthy lifestyle isn’t a bad thing. But I stand by my advice on avoiding the gym. Especially during the first few weeks of the year, where everyone will have the same mindset about shedding off their eggnog. Just know there are alternatives to getting fit, without the commitment of a gym membership. Like eating one slice of pizza instead of 10.
Good luck and happy fitnessing!