Last night I was having drinks with friends at a secret hipster bar in Kensington, it was a strangely perfect way to spend a Wednesday evening; but as I sat there listening to friends, old and new, talk about whether or not this guy or that guy liked them I began to feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude. Boyfriend has always insisted on honesty and openness which means that when I want to say something, when I want to ask something or when I need something I just have to say it; it won’t always result in the desired outcome but it’s better than keeping quiet forever.
Over the course of the evening we dissected more than one relationship, little by little until it lay open and naked in front of us and in the end we were no more wiser than we were in the beginning; mostly because those people in the relationships insist on looking at every little detail as though it was the most important thing to ever happen. Before Boyfriend I probably would have done the same thing. He hasn’t called for a couple of days, I don’t want to seem crazy. What if he thinks I’m clingy? He’s perfect when we’re together. He’s really amazing. But why isn’t he calling me? The funny thing about people is that when they like you, they want to spend time with you. Work may be insane, he may have a busy social life, he may have two rescue dogs and a sick grandmother but if he likes you he’ll find time to have dinner with you. Really.
I may be wrong; he may literally have no time, not even a second to answer the phone or five minutes to text you back. Either way you are responsible for your own happiness and it’s your job to ask him what’s up, to tell him that you enjoy spending time with him and that you’d like to do it more often and with some sense of regularity. The worst possible outcome is that he says he’s not feeling it and then you can stop wasting your time with a guy who thinks that you’re good enough, for now.
Wouldn’t you rather spit it out and know what’s going on? It seems to me that you’re much more likely to get a real answer if you ask the object of your affection rather than your friends who have never met him, not ever. As much as I would love to be a psychic, I’m not, and I can’t tell you any more than I know from what you’re telling me and you’re probably not going to listen to me anyway. So why don’t you just ask him? Please just ask him. We can either celebrate or cry it out later.
Whether you’re in the early stages of a relationship or years into it the best thing you can do is ASK for what you want rather than playing guessing games. It’s also far less exhausting. I promise.